I was speaking with a friend recently about the judgmental aspect of getting started on decluttering, downsizing, dehoarding, packing, unpacking and/or organizing your space – especially when it is a whole home. Some of the hang-ups this friend mentioned was their spouse not having done any decluttering or organizing (and the underlying feeling that their spouse didn’t create space for them when they first moved in together); that ex-partners of their spouse had left a lot of items in the space years ago (and worrying that their spouse having not discarded the items meant that there is lingering attachment to the exes); plus the self-judgment they feel for not having dealt with their own items in order to declutter and organize their shared space for the past five years. Woof! Like Peter Walsh says, “Clutter is never [really] about the stuff.” So what is the antidote to feelings that can hold us back from ever even getting started?
First, the realization that shit happens. For one reason or another, at some point in our lives, the majority of us get a bit stuck. So, if you feel that is where you are, you are not at all alone. Whether it be a birth or a death, a divorce or marriage, moving away or moving home – transition times are when we are most vulnerable to “stuff” getting in the way of our being able to handle change. Sometimes the issue is that clutter has gotten left behind but most often it is getting in our way, and the most common reaction to periods of transition is for items to just land – and stick. If you are feeling stuck, but want to get started, please remember that whether it has been like this for six months, six years, or sixty years, judging yourself for getting stuck never helps, and taking a step in the right direction to get unstuck always does.
Once you have taken that first step, however, you may find that intrusive thoughts are attempting to block you from continuing to put one foot in front of the other.
When this happens, I suggest reminding yourself of the following:
- At some point in their life, most people don’t deal…
- Ergo, I am not the only one who hasn’t dealt…
- But look at me now: I am dealing!
Try not to waste precious mental energy beating yourself up (or berating a significant other, sibling, or roommate) for not having dealt with their clutter in the past. Just be laser focused on taking positive steps to declutter, downsize, dehoard, pack, unpack, and/or organize and never, ever be afraid to ask for help from a safe, nonjudgmental, person who cares about you. And honestly, if you don’t have someone like that who can help you for free and you cannot afford paid help but you have a willing though judgy person who will help you (without inflicting emotional or physical abuse), you can use the three mantras above to deflect that judgment and stay on task to achieve your “living your BEST life” goals!
