Tip #1 Start Early & Put Safety First
If you know your home is unsafe, or the family and/or friends you’ve invited over feel that it is unsafe, consider what you can do to make it safer. Some examples include: making sure all exits are easily accessible in case of an emergency; clearing items away from the water heater, space heaters, stove, oven, toaster oven, etc.; having an electrician, plumber, or other service person in to fix any safety issues (and clearing space for them to access the problem, if they cannot); having an exterminator come out if there are any pests and having mold remediation done if that is a problem. If there is not enough time to take this harm reduction approach before the holidays, consider Tip #3.
Tip #2: Don’t Isolate – Do Celebrate!
The tendency to feel embarrassed when your house is not the way you want it to be can be overwhelming – and so much worse around holidays when people’s Pinterest-perfect ideals can make you want to crawl under the covers and never come out. Don’t do it! If your house is safe, but not ready for entertaining, ask guests what they would need to feel comfortable to come over. What this looks like will vary greatly depending on your circumstances but some ideas include: fully clearing out just one room; clearing off the dining room table, chairs, and living room sofa; and/or clearing and cleaning the kitchen and bathrooms. If you can make these things happen – especially with some help from a professional, family, and/or friend(s) – great! Similar to Tip #1, if there is not time to do these tasks, aim for next year and try Tip #3 for this year, instead.
Tip #3: Maybe Don’t Host – Definitely Do Attend!
If you or your friends and/or family feel that your home is unsafe or uncomfortable for hosting, commit to taking steps that will allow you to host in a year or two (see Tip #5) and ask if they are willing to host you instead. If there are concerns about the safety of food or gifts coming from your home, respect these feelings and try not to take it personally. Many parents have strong preferences about the type and condition of books, clothes, and toys being given to their children, so don’t assume your hoard is the source of their discomfort, but do respect their wishes and either offer to pick up food/gifts from outside your home or contribute cash instead.
Tip #4: Don’t Argue – Do Connect
Whether you are the host or the guest, if the topic of hoarding comes up, you may feel you are being personally attacked. If you have already respected your guests’ or hosts’ requests around safety, comfort, and food/gift-giving, you will be in a much better position to respond and de-escalate this. If you are taking real steps (see tip #5) to get help and/or improve your home, you may wish to assure loved ones of this (especially where safety is concerned) but either way, you always have the right to ask not to be talked down to (if this is an issue) and even to discuss the matter at another time, so that you all can enjoy the holiday together. By the same token, if family or friends have overstepped their roles attempting forced clean-outs in the past, try not to bring this up and instead focus on the positive things that you all have in common.
Tip #5: Take Baby Steps, But SMART Baby Steps
Be it in preparation for this holiday season or the next, start TODAY by seeking out a support group (there are several local ones and at least two on Facebook). Reach out to a trusted friend, family member, and/or professional to help you create a plan that is Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Time-Bound as well as forming a team – including a therapist and professional organizer who specialize in hoarding disorder, if at all possible – to help you implement that plan. Check out “A Hoarder’s Heart” on YouTube and listen to the “Overcoming Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder” podcast for inspiration and remind yourself that dehoarding doesn’t mean you give up your life, yourself, your hobbies, or your love of abundance. If you take a small step towards having a safer, cleaner, more comfortable living space for you and your visitors every day, this will ultimately bring a smile to your face – and welcomed guests to your door – all year long!
